Thursday, January 31, 2008
Is middle-age depressing?
According to British and American researchers, middle age is an unhappy time for many people, with a new study finding that depression is most common among men and women in their forties. The researchers looked at data from about 2 million people in 80 countries and found that happiness follows aU-shaped curve. Life starts out happy before getting more difficult in middle age, and then happiness returns in later years. Depression peaks when people are in their forties. However if someone makes it to 70, they're on average as happy and mentally healthy as a 20-year old. The researchers aid one reason for the middle age blues may be that people realize they won't achieve many of the aspirations they once had.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Exercise to stay young
A newly released British study finds that people who exercise at least three hours a week are up to nine years younger 'biologically' than people who are sedentary. The study of 2,401 twins found that those who exercised vigorously for at least three hours each week were biologically younger than those who did uner 15 minutes. People who did moderate exercise for 1 1/2 hours each week got a four-year advantage. Researchers aren't sure what causes the effect, but it's believed physical activity somehow defends against a natural process called oxidative stress, which damages and kills cells. The study also backed up previous research that has found a sedentary lifestyle raises the risk of a range of problems from heart disease to cancer.
Bathrooms: green = $$
Going green with your bathroom could mean extra green in your wallet.
According to the National Association of Homebuilders, just a few energy and water efficient upgrades can save you hundreds of dollars a year.
According to the National Association of Homebuilders, just a few energy and water efficient upgrades can save you hundreds of dollars a year.
- An energy efficient, tankless water heater. Average lifespan: 10 to 11 years. Heating water can generate abot 15 percent of a homes' energy bill. An efficient heater can save households $40 to $100 per year in energy coss.
- High-efficiency showerhead. Average lifespan: the life of the home. The showerhead can save about $15 per year on water bills.
- High-efficiency toilet. Average lifespan: 10 years. Though some parts might need to be replaced, the typical toilet can last practically forever. A high-efficiency model can save more than $90 per year on water bills.
- Energy-Star-rated exhaust fan. Average lifespan: 10 years. This fan can save up to $120 in electricity use over the life of the product.
- High-efficiency bathroom faucets. Average lifespan: 20 years. They save about $3 per year in water usage, but over the life of the product you can save around $60.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Got a cold?
Cold remedies: What works, what doesn't, what can't hurt
(Mayoclinic.com)
Cold remedies are almost as common as the common cold, and many are nearly as ancient. The use of chicken soup as a congestion cure dates back centuries. But is longevity any guarantee that a cold remedy works? Does an effective cold remedy even exist? Here's a look at some common cold remedies, as well as the best ways to ward off illness in the first place.
Cold remedies: What works
If you catch a cold, you can expect to be sick for about a week. But that doesn't mean you have to be miserable. These remedies may help:
Water and other fluids. You can't flush a cold out of your system, but drinking plenty of liquids can help. Water, juice, clear broth or warm lemon water with honey helps loosen congestion and prevents dehydration. Avoid alcohol, coffee and caffeinated sodas, which make dehydration worse.
Salt water. A saltwater gargle — 1/2 teaspoon salt in an 8-ounce glass of warm water — can temporarily relieve a sore or scratchy throat.
Saline nasal sprays. Over-the-counter saline nasal sprays combat stuffiness and congestion. Unlike nasal decongestants, saline sprays don't lead to a rebound effect — a worsening of symptoms when the medication is discontinued — and most are safe and nonirritating, even for children.
Chicken soup. Generations of parents have spooned chicken soup into their sick children. Now scientists have put chicken soup to the test, discovering that it does seem to help relieve cold and flu symptoms in two ways. First, it acts as an anti-inflammatory by inhibiting the movement of neutrophils — immune system cells that participate in the body's inflammatory response. Second, it temporarily speeds up the movement of mucus through the nose, helping relieve congestion and limiting the amount of time viruses are in contact with the nose lining. Researchers at the University of Nebraska compared homemade chicken soup with canned versions and found that many, though not all, canned chicken soups worked just as well as soups made from scratch.
Over-the-counter cold medications. Nonprescription decongestants and pain relievers offer some symptom relief, but they won't prevent a cold or shorten its duration, and most have some side effects. If used for more than a few days, they can actually make symptoms worse. Keep in mind that acetaminophen (Tylenol, others) can cause serious liver damage or liver failure if taken in high doses. It's common for people to take Tylenol in addition to flu medications that also contain acetaminophen, which can lead to drug overdoses. Read the labels of any cold medication carefully to make sure you're not overdosing.
Humidity. Cold viruses thrive in dry conditions — another reason why colds are more common in winter. Parched air also dries the mucous membranes, causing a stuffy nose and scratchy throat. A humidifier can add moisture to your home, but it can also add mold, fungi and bacteria if not cleaned properly. Change the water in your humidifier daily, and clean the unit at least once every three days.
Cold remedies: What doesn't work
The list of ineffective cold remedies is long. A few of the more common ones that don't work include:
Antibiotics. These destroy bacteria, but they're no help against cold viruses. Avoid asking your doctor for antibiotics for a cold or using old antibiotics you have on hand. You won't get well any faster, and inappropriate use of antibiotics contributes to the serious and growing problem of antibiotic-resistant bacteria.
Antihistamines. Although antihistamines can help the runny nose, watery eyes and sneezing that occur with allergies, they have the opposite effect on cold symptoms, further drying nasal membranes and impeding the flow of mucus.
Over-the-counter (OTC) cough syrups. In winter, nonprescription cough syrups practically fly off the drugstore shelves. But the American College of Chest Physicians strongly discourages the use of these medications because they're not effective at treating the underlying cause of cough due to colds. Some contain ingredients that may alleviate coughing, but the amounts are too small to do much good and may actually be harmful for children. In fact, the college has strongly recommended against using OTC cough syrups or cold medicines for any child younger than 14. Coughs associated with a cold usually last less than three weeks; if a cough lingers longer than that, see your doctor. In the meantime, try soothing your throat with warm lemon water and honey and humidifying the air in your house. Avoid giving honey to infants.
Not eating. Despite the old adage "Starve a cold, feed a fever," there's no evidence that avoiding food shortens a cold's duration or reduces symptoms.
Cold remedies: What probably can't hurt
In spite of ongoing studies, the scientific jury is still out on popular cold remedies such as vitamin C, echinacea and zinc. Here's an update on some common alternative remedies:
Vitamin C. Vitamin C doesn't appear to prevent colds in most people, but taking large doses — up to 5,000 milligrams — at the beginning of a cold may reduce the severity of symptoms. Lower doses — 200 to 300 milligrams — may shorten a cold's duration. Just what constitutes an optimum dose isn't clear, but amounts in excess of 2,000 milligrams a day may cause nausea and diarrhea.
Echinacea. A National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine study released in 2005 found that echinacea did little to prevent or shorten colds. But testing herbs is difficult, and scientists say more research is necessary. Some people swear by Airborne, an herbal cold remedy that's sold over the counter in many drugstores.
Zinc. The cold-fighting reputation of zinc has had its ups and downs. That's because many zinc studies — both those that find the mineral beneficial and those that do not — are flawed. In studies with positive results, zinc seemed most effective taken as a lozenge or nasal spray within 24 hours of the onset of symptoms. Taking zinc with food reduced side effects, including a bad taste and nausea.
(Mayoclinic.com)
Cold remedies are almost as common as the common cold, and many are nearly as ancient. The use of chicken soup as a congestion cure dates back centuries. But is longevity any guarantee that a cold remedy works? Does an effective cold remedy even exist? Here's a look at some common cold remedies, as well as the best ways to ward off illness in the first place.
Cold remedies: What works
If you catch a cold, you can expect to be sick for about a week. But that doesn't mean you have to be miserable. These remedies may help:
Water and other fluids. You can't flush a cold out of your system, but drinking plenty of liquids can help. Water, juice, clear broth or warm lemon water with honey helps loosen congestion and prevents dehydration. Avoid alcohol, coffee and caffeinated sodas, which make dehydration worse.
Salt water. A saltwater gargle — 1/2 teaspoon salt in an 8-ounce glass of warm water — can temporarily relieve a sore or scratchy throat.
Saline nasal sprays. Over-the-counter saline nasal sprays combat stuffiness and congestion. Unlike nasal decongestants, saline sprays don't lead to a rebound effect — a worsening of symptoms when the medication is discontinued — and most are safe and nonirritating, even for children.
Chicken soup. Generations of parents have spooned chicken soup into their sick children. Now scientists have put chicken soup to the test, discovering that it does seem to help relieve cold and flu symptoms in two ways. First, it acts as an anti-inflammatory by inhibiting the movement of neutrophils — immune system cells that participate in the body's inflammatory response. Second, it temporarily speeds up the movement of mucus through the nose, helping relieve congestion and limiting the amount of time viruses are in contact with the nose lining. Researchers at the University of Nebraska compared homemade chicken soup with canned versions and found that many, though not all, canned chicken soups worked just as well as soups made from scratch.
Over-the-counter cold medications. Nonprescription decongestants and pain relievers offer some symptom relief, but they won't prevent a cold or shorten its duration, and most have some side effects. If used for more than a few days, they can actually make symptoms worse. Keep in mind that acetaminophen (Tylenol, others) can cause serious liver damage or liver failure if taken in high doses. It's common for people to take Tylenol in addition to flu medications that also contain acetaminophen, which can lead to drug overdoses. Read the labels of any cold medication carefully to make sure you're not overdosing.
Humidity. Cold viruses thrive in dry conditions — another reason why colds are more common in winter. Parched air also dries the mucous membranes, causing a stuffy nose and scratchy throat. A humidifier can add moisture to your home, but it can also add mold, fungi and bacteria if not cleaned properly. Change the water in your humidifier daily, and clean the unit at least once every three days.
Cold remedies: What doesn't work
The list of ineffective cold remedies is long. A few of the more common ones that don't work include:
Antibiotics. These destroy bacteria, but they're no help against cold viruses. Avoid asking your doctor for antibiotics for a cold or using old antibiotics you have on hand. You won't get well any faster, and inappropriate use of antibiotics contributes to the serious and growing problem of antibiotic-resistant bacteria.
Antihistamines. Although antihistamines can help the runny nose, watery eyes and sneezing that occur with allergies, they have the opposite effect on cold symptoms, further drying nasal membranes and impeding the flow of mucus.
Over-the-counter (OTC) cough syrups. In winter, nonprescription cough syrups practically fly off the drugstore shelves. But the American College of Chest Physicians strongly discourages the use of these medications because they're not effective at treating the underlying cause of cough due to colds. Some contain ingredients that may alleviate coughing, but the amounts are too small to do much good and may actually be harmful for children. In fact, the college has strongly recommended against using OTC cough syrups or cold medicines for any child younger than 14. Coughs associated with a cold usually last less than three weeks; if a cough lingers longer than that, see your doctor. In the meantime, try soothing your throat with warm lemon water and honey and humidifying the air in your house. Avoid giving honey to infants.
Not eating. Despite the old adage "Starve a cold, feed a fever," there's no evidence that avoiding food shortens a cold's duration or reduces symptoms.
Cold remedies: What probably can't hurt
In spite of ongoing studies, the scientific jury is still out on popular cold remedies such as vitamin C, echinacea and zinc. Here's an update on some common alternative remedies:
Vitamin C. Vitamin C doesn't appear to prevent colds in most people, but taking large doses — up to 5,000 milligrams — at the beginning of a cold may reduce the severity of symptoms. Lower doses — 200 to 300 milligrams — may shorten a cold's duration. Just what constitutes an optimum dose isn't clear, but amounts in excess of 2,000 milligrams a day may cause nausea and diarrhea.
Echinacea. A National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine study released in 2005 found that echinacea did little to prevent or shorten colds. But testing herbs is difficult, and scientists say more research is necessary. Some people swear by Airborne, an herbal cold remedy that's sold over the counter in many drugstores.
Zinc. The cold-fighting reputation of zinc has had its ups and downs. That's because many zinc studies — both those that find the mineral beneficial and those that do not — are flawed. In studies with positive results, zinc seemed most effective taken as a lozenge or nasal spray within 24 hours of the onset of symptoms. Taking zinc with food reduced side effects, including a bad taste and nausea.
Relationship tips
The 13 Best Relationship Tips Ever
1. Act Out of Character
Couples develop a particular dynamic: the way they relate to each other that repeats itself over and over. If you break that pattern and act against type — in a positive way — you inject new life into the relationship. For example, if you always get angry at your guy when he doesn't follow through on some chore, try addressing him in a nicer, more friendly tone, then thank him when he does a good job. It works every time.
—Toni Coleman, psychotherapist and relationship coach in McLean, Virginia
2. Get in Touch a Lot
No doubt you hug and kiss each other hello and maybe snuggle a little after having sex. But simple acts like stroking his arm while you're watching TV, taking his hand when you're walking down the street, or fondling his thigh during dinner are also ways to bond. Touching your partner throughout the day triggers your feel-good hormones, which reinforces your affection and makes you feel closer on an instinctive level.
—Psychotherapist Barton Goldsmith, PhD, author of Emotional Fitness for Couples
3. Don't Be BFFs
Being pals with your man is great in theory. But that kind of connection actually can kill your sex life. You could wind up having a roommatelike bond with each other rather than a hot one if you let yourself lose track of the masculine-feminine tension that excited you at the beginning of your relationship. Save the gab sessions for when you hang out with your girlfriends and your sexy energy for connecting with your guy.
—Lana Holstein, MD, director of sexuality and vitality programs for couples at Miraval Resort in Catalina, Arizona
4. Enjoy a Steady Diet of Sex
If you want to maintain closeness with your man, get out of your head and into bed. Guys feel more comfortable connecting with women on a physical level, not engaging in deep discussions. To strengthen your bond, approach your lust life as you would your gym regimen or your diet — make it part of your routine. Set a goal to have sex at least a couple times a week.
—Toni Coleman
5. Take Turns Talking
To make sure you both get a chance to state what's on your mind during a disagreement — and get your points across — alternate playing reflective therapist, where one listens while the other talks.
6. Find the Intersection
When making decisions together, try to find common ground. You each should write down exactly what you want. Let's say you're angling for a vacay in San Francisco to see the sights and hit up the cool shops and restaurants, while he wants a tropical getaway where he can veg out by the pool and sip drinks with umbrellas in the glass. Now that your desires are clearly laid out on paper, you can pick a place that will satisfy both your needs. A cool city, a little sun...how about Miami?
—Paul Dobransky, MD, author of The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love
7. Be More Positive Than Negative
There's a more effective way to air grievances than to file an angry complaint. Sandwich your negative comment between two positives. If you want to complain about how he's always late, for example, try something like "You know, I love that you're so laid-back and easygoing, but it really bothers me when you show up so late. I'm sure you can still be the fun guy I adore and also be on time."
—Los Angeles psychologist Yvonne Thomas, PhD
8. Echo Each Other
When you and your man are having a serious relationship talk, it's easy to get so caught up in how you want to respond that you're not really listening to what's being said. That's why it's important for both of you to repeat each other: so you know you've been heard and you feel understood.
—Yvonne Thomas
9. Grow Your Tolerance
Neither of you is perfect, and the quirks you both have are here to stay. So rather than let those annoying traits work your last nerve, try to get in touch with the upside of those particular flaws, even if it's not immediately recognizable. Instead of getting annoyed when he starts screaming at the TV, for example, remind yourself how much you love his passion. Or if his shyness with new people bugs you, think about how refreshing it is to be with a chill, genuine guy rather than a blowhard who needs to chat with everyone in the room.
10. Take a Time-Out
It's important that you get a break from the daily grind and spend alone time as a couple — cell phones and the Internet are off-limits. It can be a fun day trip or just a few quiet hours to yourselves. The point is simply to steal away (even if you're going nowhere) so you can reconnect, free of any distractions.
—Diana Kirschner
11. Have His Back
You might not agree with your guy when he's had a riff with a friend or he thinks his boss is being unfair, but you should always be on his side...and vice versa. Otherwise, you'll both feel like you can't count on each other. That doesn't mean you have to take the "you're so right" route all the time. Just hear him out, and let him know that you'll support him no matter what.
—New York City psychotherapist JoAnn Magdoff, PhD
12. Spend a Little Money on Each Other
You don't have to wait for a special occasion to give small presents to show your love. In fact, gifts are more fun-and meaningful — when they're not expected. Try to get into the habit of exchanging sweet tokens of appreciation for no particular reason. Don't go and blow your paycheck though. It's not about being extravagant; it's just a way of showing that you really get — and think about — each other. Maybe you buy him a tee of his favorite band that you saw on sale or he gets you a pair of pajamas in your favorite color.
—Barton Goldsmith
13. Be a Good Date
Face it, no one can stay fascinating forever. After being together for a while, the initial excitement fades, and your guy can start to get kind of boring sometimes. Hey, don't think you're off the hook — if you're feeling a little ho-hum about him, the feeling is likely mutual! To combat the blahs, take turns coming up with an interesting date idea every month. Keep the time and details to yourself, and try to think outside the box — dinner and a movie is not exactly innovative. An awesome concert or a snowboarding lesson, for example, is a much less predictable treat.
—Jennifer Oikle
1. Act Out of Character
Couples develop a particular dynamic: the way they relate to each other that repeats itself over and over. If you break that pattern and act against type — in a positive way — you inject new life into the relationship. For example, if you always get angry at your guy when he doesn't follow through on some chore, try addressing him in a nicer, more friendly tone, then thank him when he does a good job. It works every time.
—Toni Coleman, psychotherapist and relationship coach in McLean, Virginia
2. Get in Touch a Lot
No doubt you hug and kiss each other hello and maybe snuggle a little after having sex. But simple acts like stroking his arm while you're watching TV, taking his hand when you're walking down the street, or fondling his thigh during dinner are also ways to bond. Touching your partner throughout the day triggers your feel-good hormones, which reinforces your affection and makes you feel closer on an instinctive level.
—Psychotherapist Barton Goldsmith, PhD, author of Emotional Fitness for Couples
3. Don't Be BFFs
Being pals with your man is great in theory. But that kind of connection actually can kill your sex life. You could wind up having a roommatelike bond with each other rather than a hot one if you let yourself lose track of the masculine-feminine tension that excited you at the beginning of your relationship. Save the gab sessions for when you hang out with your girlfriends and your sexy energy for connecting with your guy.
—Lana Holstein, MD, director of sexuality and vitality programs for couples at Miraval Resort in Catalina, Arizona
4. Enjoy a Steady Diet of Sex
If you want to maintain closeness with your man, get out of your head and into bed. Guys feel more comfortable connecting with women on a physical level, not engaging in deep discussions. To strengthen your bond, approach your lust life as you would your gym regimen or your diet — make it part of your routine. Set a goal to have sex at least a couple times a week.
—Toni Coleman
5. Take Turns Talking
To make sure you both get a chance to state what's on your mind during a disagreement — and get your points across — alternate playing reflective therapist, where one listens while the other talks.
6. Find the Intersection
When making decisions together, try to find common ground. You each should write down exactly what you want. Let's say you're angling for a vacay in San Francisco to see the sights and hit up the cool shops and restaurants, while he wants a tropical getaway where he can veg out by the pool and sip drinks with umbrellas in the glass. Now that your desires are clearly laid out on paper, you can pick a place that will satisfy both your needs. A cool city, a little sun...how about Miami?
—Paul Dobransky, MD, author of The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love
7. Be More Positive Than Negative
There's a more effective way to air grievances than to file an angry complaint. Sandwich your negative comment between two positives. If you want to complain about how he's always late, for example, try something like "You know, I love that you're so laid-back and easygoing, but it really bothers me when you show up so late. I'm sure you can still be the fun guy I adore and also be on time."
—Los Angeles psychologist Yvonne Thomas, PhD
8. Echo Each Other
When you and your man are having a serious relationship talk, it's easy to get so caught up in how you want to respond that you're not really listening to what's being said. That's why it's important for both of you to repeat each other: so you know you've been heard and you feel understood.
—Yvonne Thomas
9. Grow Your Tolerance
Neither of you is perfect, and the quirks you both have are here to stay. So rather than let those annoying traits work your last nerve, try to get in touch with the upside of those particular flaws, even if it's not immediately recognizable. Instead of getting annoyed when he starts screaming at the TV, for example, remind yourself how much you love his passion. Or if his shyness with new people bugs you, think about how refreshing it is to be with a chill, genuine guy rather than a blowhard who needs to chat with everyone in the room.
10. Take a Time-Out
It's important that you get a break from the daily grind and spend alone time as a couple — cell phones and the Internet are off-limits. It can be a fun day trip or just a few quiet hours to yourselves. The point is simply to steal away (even if you're going nowhere) so you can reconnect, free of any distractions.
—Diana Kirschner
11. Have His Back
You might not agree with your guy when he's had a riff with a friend or he thinks his boss is being unfair, but you should always be on his side...and vice versa. Otherwise, you'll both feel like you can't count on each other. That doesn't mean you have to take the "you're so right" route all the time. Just hear him out, and let him know that you'll support him no matter what.
—New York City psychotherapist JoAnn Magdoff, PhD
12. Spend a Little Money on Each Other
You don't have to wait for a special occasion to give small presents to show your love. In fact, gifts are more fun-and meaningful — when they're not expected. Try to get into the habit of exchanging sweet tokens of appreciation for no particular reason. Don't go and blow your paycheck though. It's not about being extravagant; it's just a way of showing that you really get — and think about — each other. Maybe you buy him a tee of his favorite band that you saw on sale or he gets you a pair of pajamas in your favorite color.
—Barton Goldsmith
13. Be a Good Date
Face it, no one can stay fascinating forever. After being together for a while, the initial excitement fades, and your guy can start to get kind of boring sometimes. Hey, don't think you're off the hook — if you're feeling a little ho-hum about him, the feeling is likely mutual! To combat the blahs, take turns coming up with an interesting date idea every month. Keep the time and details to yourself, and try to think outside the box — dinner and a movie is not exactly innovative. An awesome concert or a snowboarding lesson, for example, is a much less predictable treat.
—Jennifer Oikle
Open mouth insert foot
It's true: Some comments are better left unsaid.
But as a sophisticated man of the 21st century, you already know this. You know you're not supposed to comment on your girlfriend's weight, or tell her that her friends are hot. And you know she probably feels the same way you do about the phrase, "Can we still be friends?"
Additionally, you've found that honesty, while valued in most situations, can sometimes offend. What you say to defuse tension in an argument often stokes the fire. We understand that the female psyche can be complicated, and we're here to demystify what may seem like strategically placed trapdoors.
Here are 10 things most women don't want to hear:
1) "What did you do to your hair?"
Unless we've cut our own hair—this is not common—someone else did something to our hair. It wasn't us. And most likely we've gone to a lot of trouble and expense for it. "I like your new haircut" is infinitely better, and shows you're paying attention. It's also far superior to the generic "You look different," which tells us you're as clueless as ever.
2) "They both look the same to me."
We understand you care a lot less than we do about the outfits or the registry dishware we're asking you to compare. But they can't possibly look exactly the same, can they? Give us something. Anything. Mentally roll the dice and pick one, so we don't worry about your vision—or worse, that you don't care.
3) "Relax."
A kissing cousin to "Don't get so worked up," this generally creates the exact opposite effect you're shooting for. When you say "Relax," what we hear is that you think that we're being irrational over nothing, and this makes us do anything but relax.
4) "I've got it all under control."
Ha! Famous last words. Refrain from using them if you don't want us to take fiendish delight in your getting lost because you won't stop for directions (if we're late, there will be fiendish fuming), or because you're missing a piece to your flat-screen television because you said you didn't need to read the assembly instructions.
5) "You're not one of those feminists, are you?"
Yikes. Chivalry may be nearly dead, but saying this will drive the last spear through its heart. Feminist or not, a woman is likely to be offended by the question. Just be yourself. Be kind, open the door, offer to pay, and go from there. We can choose to accept or share in your generosity.
6) "When are you due?"
Take one second to imagine a woman turning to you and responding, "I'm not pregnant," or "I had the baby six months ago," and you'll understand why you should eradicate this question from your vocabulary. In one nanosecond, innocent—even considerate—curiosity can turn to deadly, if unintentional, offense. And there's just no way to recover from this one.
7) "You're being emotional."
In the heat of the moment this may be true. But unless you want your partner to become more emotional or get angry, you're better off keeping this observation and its off-limits follow-up question—"Is it that time of month?"—to yourself.
8) "You're acting just like your mother/my mother/my ex-girlfriend."
All three are problematic. An ex should be mentioned sparingly, and never in comparison. Why would we want to remind you of a person you broke up with? And come to mention it, why are you thinking about her? You see the slippery slope. Conjuring an image of our mother or your mother can be equally grating. We want you to treat us as individuals and not as mere products of your (or our) upbringing.
9) "You complete me."
We've seen "Jerry Maguire" and most other romantic comedies far more often than you, and while we may (or may not) like cheesy movie lines, they usually fail in real life. We understand that the possibility of romance makes inexplicable things come out of a man's—and sometimes a woman's—mouth, but keep the compliments real and honest and sincere and say you love someone when you mean it.
10) "Do you really think you should be eating that?"
Yes. She should be eating it. Even if she told you she's given it up.
Copy this and give it to the men in your life.
But as a sophisticated man of the 21st century, you already know this. You know you're not supposed to comment on your girlfriend's weight, or tell her that her friends are hot. And you know she probably feels the same way you do about the phrase, "Can we still be friends?"
Additionally, you've found that honesty, while valued in most situations, can sometimes offend. What you say to defuse tension in an argument often stokes the fire. We understand that the female psyche can be complicated, and we're here to demystify what may seem like strategically placed trapdoors.
Here are 10 things most women don't want to hear:
1) "What did you do to your hair?"
Unless we've cut our own hair—this is not common—someone else did something to our hair. It wasn't us. And most likely we've gone to a lot of trouble and expense for it. "I like your new haircut" is infinitely better, and shows you're paying attention. It's also far superior to the generic "You look different," which tells us you're as clueless as ever.
2) "They both look the same to me."
We understand you care a lot less than we do about the outfits or the registry dishware we're asking you to compare. But they can't possibly look exactly the same, can they? Give us something. Anything. Mentally roll the dice and pick one, so we don't worry about your vision—or worse, that you don't care.
3) "Relax."
A kissing cousin to "Don't get so worked up," this generally creates the exact opposite effect you're shooting for. When you say "Relax," what we hear is that you think that we're being irrational over nothing, and this makes us do anything but relax.
4) "I've got it all under control."
Ha! Famous last words. Refrain from using them if you don't want us to take fiendish delight in your getting lost because you won't stop for directions (if we're late, there will be fiendish fuming), or because you're missing a piece to your flat-screen television because you said you didn't need to read the assembly instructions.
5) "You're not one of those feminists, are you?"
Yikes. Chivalry may be nearly dead, but saying this will drive the last spear through its heart. Feminist or not, a woman is likely to be offended by the question. Just be yourself. Be kind, open the door, offer to pay, and go from there. We can choose to accept or share in your generosity.
6) "When are you due?"
Take one second to imagine a woman turning to you and responding, "I'm not pregnant," or "I had the baby six months ago," and you'll understand why you should eradicate this question from your vocabulary. In one nanosecond, innocent—even considerate—curiosity can turn to deadly, if unintentional, offense. And there's just no way to recover from this one.
7) "You're being emotional."
In the heat of the moment this may be true. But unless you want your partner to become more emotional or get angry, you're better off keeping this observation and its off-limits follow-up question—"Is it that time of month?"—to yourself.
8) "You're acting just like your mother/my mother/my ex-girlfriend."
All three are problematic. An ex should be mentioned sparingly, and never in comparison. Why would we want to remind you of a person you broke up with? And come to mention it, why are you thinking about her? You see the slippery slope. Conjuring an image of our mother or your mother can be equally grating. We want you to treat us as individuals and not as mere products of your (or our) upbringing.
9) "You complete me."
We've seen "Jerry Maguire" and most other romantic comedies far more often than you, and while we may (or may not) like cheesy movie lines, they usually fail in real life. We understand that the possibility of romance makes inexplicable things come out of a man's—and sometimes a woman's—mouth, but keep the compliments real and honest and sincere and say you love someone when you mean it.
10) "Do you really think you should be eating that?"
Yes. She should be eating it. Even if she told you she's given it up.
Copy this and give it to the men in your life.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Smell Mr. Right
Love at first ... scent?
Research shows a woman’s sense of smell can lead her to Mr. Right
By Ian Kerner, Ph.D.
Sex therapist and relationship counselor
TODAYShow.com contributor
Wondering if he’s “the one”? Forget love at first sight and focus on love at first scent.
You know how a chance whiff of an old lover’s perfume or cologne can send you right back into the agony and the ecstasy of that relationship? Even more homey smells, like your favorite childhood meal, have the ability to seemingly transport you in time, back to being that little kid again. Smell is a powerful sense that goes directly to the core of our emotional brain and it plays a key role in attraction.
Fascinating research shows that a woman’s sense of smell can lead to her to Mr. Right, at least reproductively speaking. Research has shown that each of us will be attracted to people who possess a particular set of genes, known as the major histocompatibility complex (MHC), which play a critical role in our immune systems. Mates with dissimilar MHC genes produce healthier offspring with broad immune systems.
How do people who differ in their MHC find each other? This isn't fully understood, but we know that smell is an important cue. People appear to literally sniff out their mates. In studies, women tend to rate the scent of T-shirts worn by men with dissimilar MHCs as most attractive, whereas T-shirts worn by guys with similar MHC profiles tend to be rated as “fatherly” or “brotherly,” but not boyfriend material. This is what sexual "chemistry" is all about. We’re drawn to certain people, without quite knowing why.
In my own surveys of men and women, women rate scent much more highly than men. This makes sense evolutionarily speaking, since women carry children for nine months during pregnancy and would need to sniff out a good mate who would stick around and support them.
Many women who have satisfying sex lives claim to love the scent of their guy, while many women who have dissatisfying sex claim their guy’s scent does nothing for them, or even turns them off. When I talk to women in relationships who claim that the sexual attraction was never really there to begin with, many also say that they didn’t like, or notice, his smell.
So, ladies, ask yourself: Do you like the way he smells? Does it turn you on? Get you going?
Here are some tips to put the power of smell to work for your sex life — and maybe your future progeny. Remember, if you’re into his smell, it goes a long way toward speaking to chemistry. If you’re not, it could have a negative impact on the relationship.
If you’re wondering if he’s the one, take a good whiff of some of his clothes — how does it make you feel? Do you think warm, fuzzy thoughts or do you think he should really do his laundry? Or, try an overnight with a favorite article of his clothing. Many women love to sleep in their husband’s shirts, wear their men’s sweatshirts and are picking up on the scent, whether it’s conscious or unconscious. Do you like to wear his stuff when he’s not around? It’s another sign along the trail to sniffing out your MHC compatibility.
Take a break from the pill and use another form of birth control. Research shows that the pill may interfere with a woman’s ability to sniff out a compatible mate, since it tricks the body into thinking she’s already pregnant. Some researchers suggest that if you’re single, you should forgo the pill until you’re sure you’ve met your match. Try another form of birth control and see if some scent-awareness appears.
Try some scent-sational aphrodisiacs. A study conducted by the Smell and Taste Research Foundation in Chicago uncovered some powerful smells for boosting his arousal. The scent of lavender and pumpkin pie, and donuts and black licorice, in particular, increased blood flow to the penis by nearly 40 percent! So turn up the volume on an attraction that’s already there with some strategic baking or candles on your next date night at home.
Smell-train your man. Men may not have as keen a sense of smell as women, but it’s still a sense that’s often neglected. One female patient told me that she had a secret. Whenever her husband wanted to have sex, she would go freshen up and put on some perfume. He had become so used to the association of that scent and sex, that when she was in the mood, all she had to do was put some on and he wanted to have sex.
Scent can help fuel the flames of desire — and cool the flames of conflict. When you’re fighting, take a break to “hug and smell” — 20-second hugs raise oxytocin levels (the feel-good chemical) and following your nose will help you put the tension behind you.
So what’s the lesson, ladies? Follow your nose, it always knows!
Research shows a woman’s sense of smell can lead her to Mr. Right
By Ian Kerner, Ph.D.
Sex therapist and relationship counselor
TODAYShow.com contributor
Wondering if he’s “the one”? Forget love at first sight and focus on love at first scent.
You know how a chance whiff of an old lover’s perfume or cologne can send you right back into the agony and the ecstasy of that relationship? Even more homey smells, like your favorite childhood meal, have the ability to seemingly transport you in time, back to being that little kid again. Smell is a powerful sense that goes directly to the core of our emotional brain and it plays a key role in attraction.
Fascinating research shows that a woman’s sense of smell can lead to her to Mr. Right, at least reproductively speaking. Research has shown that each of us will be attracted to people who possess a particular set of genes, known as the major histocompatibility complex (MHC), which play a critical role in our immune systems. Mates with dissimilar MHC genes produce healthier offspring with broad immune systems.
How do people who differ in their MHC find each other? This isn't fully understood, but we know that smell is an important cue. People appear to literally sniff out their mates. In studies, women tend to rate the scent of T-shirts worn by men with dissimilar MHCs as most attractive, whereas T-shirts worn by guys with similar MHC profiles tend to be rated as “fatherly” or “brotherly,” but not boyfriend material. This is what sexual "chemistry" is all about. We’re drawn to certain people, without quite knowing why.
In my own surveys of men and women, women rate scent much more highly than men. This makes sense evolutionarily speaking, since women carry children for nine months during pregnancy and would need to sniff out a good mate who would stick around and support them.
Many women who have satisfying sex lives claim to love the scent of their guy, while many women who have dissatisfying sex claim their guy’s scent does nothing for them, or even turns them off. When I talk to women in relationships who claim that the sexual attraction was never really there to begin with, many also say that they didn’t like, or notice, his smell.
So, ladies, ask yourself: Do you like the way he smells? Does it turn you on? Get you going?
Here are some tips to put the power of smell to work for your sex life — and maybe your future progeny. Remember, if you’re into his smell, it goes a long way toward speaking to chemistry. If you’re not, it could have a negative impact on the relationship.
If you’re wondering if he’s the one, take a good whiff of some of his clothes — how does it make you feel? Do you think warm, fuzzy thoughts or do you think he should really do his laundry? Or, try an overnight with a favorite article of his clothing. Many women love to sleep in their husband’s shirts, wear their men’s sweatshirts and are picking up on the scent, whether it’s conscious or unconscious. Do you like to wear his stuff when he’s not around? It’s another sign along the trail to sniffing out your MHC compatibility.
Take a break from the pill and use another form of birth control. Research shows that the pill may interfere with a woman’s ability to sniff out a compatible mate, since it tricks the body into thinking she’s already pregnant. Some researchers suggest that if you’re single, you should forgo the pill until you’re sure you’ve met your match. Try another form of birth control and see if some scent-awareness appears.
Try some scent-sational aphrodisiacs. A study conducted by the Smell and Taste Research Foundation in Chicago uncovered some powerful smells for boosting his arousal. The scent of lavender and pumpkin pie, and donuts and black licorice, in particular, increased blood flow to the penis by nearly 40 percent! So turn up the volume on an attraction that’s already there with some strategic baking or candles on your next date night at home.
Smell-train your man. Men may not have as keen a sense of smell as women, but it’s still a sense that’s often neglected. One female patient told me that she had a secret. Whenever her husband wanted to have sex, she would go freshen up and put on some perfume. He had become so used to the association of that scent and sex, that when she was in the mood, all she had to do was put some on and he wanted to have sex.
Scent can help fuel the flames of desire — and cool the flames of conflict. When you’re fighting, take a break to “hug and smell” — 20-second hugs raise oxytocin levels (the feel-good chemical) and following your nose will help you put the tension behind you.
So what’s the lesson, ladies? Follow your nose, it always knows!
Skin care myths
Myth: Preservatives in skin care products are harmful
Most skin care products, including moisturizers, cleansers, makeup and sunscreens contain preservatives. Preservatives help to prevent the growth of bacteria and fungi which would otherwise contaminate and spoil these items. One of the most common classes of preservatives is the parabens, which include methylparaben, propylparaben and butylparaben. In 2002 a study that found parabens in breast cancer tissue and also identified a weak estrogenic effect of these compounds ignited concerns that parabens might cause breast cancer. However, the study did not show that parabens are harmful or that they cause breast cancer. It is not even known whether topical application of parabens leads to their accumulation in our bodies. Parabens can cause reactions in patients with active eczema, or in people who are allergic to these compounds, so it is reasonable for these people to avoid them. The rest of us can be guided by the conclusion published in 2006 by the FDA that cosmetics containing parabens are safe.
Myth: Stress causes acne
Acne is caused by a complex interaction between skin cells, skin oils, bacteria and hormonal factors. However, in patients with acne, there are factors which sometimes influence the severity of acne flares and for some people these include stress and anxiety. For people who develop acne flares with stress, therapy to learn how to cope with stress cannot replace more traditional treatments such as RetinA, benzoyl peroxide and antibiotics, but it may allow acne to be more easily controlled by these traditional treatments.
Myth: It is good to get a base tan at a salon before going on vacation
There is no such thing as a safe tan. Although tanning salons may advertise to the contrary, all tanning booths emit harmful UVB or UVA rays, both of which produce aging changes in the skin and increase the risk of skin cancer. Of course, they also produce a tan, which is why so many people continue to frequent these establishments despite mounting evidence of their danger. In addition to skin damage, UV light in tanning beds can harm the eyes unless proper protective glasses are worn. It makes much more sense to use a topical self-tanner if you want some color. Just remember, the self-tanner does not provide significant protection against sunburn, so you have to use sunscreen and minimize UV exposure to prevent burns while you are on vacation.
Myth: It is not safe to use RetinA in the summer
RetinA is a very effective treatment for acne, as well as for sun damage and skin aging changes. It works to unclog pores, stimulate collagen formation and also to thin the topmost layer of the skin. This latter effect renders the skin slightly more sensitive to UV exposure. So, when using RetinA , it is important to use sunscreen and avoid excessive UV exposure. If these precautions are followed, RetinA can be safely used year-round.
Myth: Blackheads are a result of inadequate cleansing
Blackheads, or comedones, as we dermatologists call them, are made up of skin cells and skin oils that accumulate inside pores. They are not made up of dirt, and cannot be washed or scrubbed off. Excessive scrubbing will simply irritate the skin. Cleansing with a product containing salicylic acid, which can help dissolve the material clogging the pores, can help remove then. Gentle extraction by a dermatologist or esthetician can also remove them, but they tend to re-accumulate in people who are susceptible. Regular use of a retinoid, such as RetinA or Differin can help to prevent this.
Most skin care products, including moisturizers, cleansers, makeup and sunscreens contain preservatives. Preservatives help to prevent the growth of bacteria and fungi which would otherwise contaminate and spoil these items. One of the most common classes of preservatives is the parabens, which include methylparaben, propylparaben and butylparaben. In 2002 a study that found parabens in breast cancer tissue and also identified a weak estrogenic effect of these compounds ignited concerns that parabens might cause breast cancer. However, the study did not show that parabens are harmful or that they cause breast cancer. It is not even known whether topical application of parabens leads to their accumulation in our bodies. Parabens can cause reactions in patients with active eczema, or in people who are allergic to these compounds, so it is reasonable for these people to avoid them. The rest of us can be guided by the conclusion published in 2006 by the FDA that cosmetics containing parabens are safe.
Myth: Stress causes acne
Acne is caused by a complex interaction between skin cells, skin oils, bacteria and hormonal factors. However, in patients with acne, there are factors which sometimes influence the severity of acne flares and for some people these include stress and anxiety. For people who develop acne flares with stress, therapy to learn how to cope with stress cannot replace more traditional treatments such as RetinA, benzoyl peroxide and antibiotics, but it may allow acne to be more easily controlled by these traditional treatments.
Myth: It is good to get a base tan at a salon before going on vacation
There is no such thing as a safe tan. Although tanning salons may advertise to the contrary, all tanning booths emit harmful UVB or UVA rays, both of which produce aging changes in the skin and increase the risk of skin cancer. Of course, they also produce a tan, which is why so many people continue to frequent these establishments despite mounting evidence of their danger. In addition to skin damage, UV light in tanning beds can harm the eyes unless proper protective glasses are worn. It makes much more sense to use a topical self-tanner if you want some color. Just remember, the self-tanner does not provide significant protection against sunburn, so you have to use sunscreen and minimize UV exposure to prevent burns while you are on vacation.
Myth: It is not safe to use RetinA in the summer
RetinA is a very effective treatment for acne, as well as for sun damage and skin aging changes. It works to unclog pores, stimulate collagen formation and also to thin the topmost layer of the skin. This latter effect renders the skin slightly more sensitive to UV exposure. So, when using RetinA , it is important to use sunscreen and avoid excessive UV exposure. If these precautions are followed, RetinA can be safely used year-round.
Myth: Blackheads are a result of inadequate cleansing
Blackheads, or comedones, as we dermatologists call them, are made up of skin cells and skin oils that accumulate inside pores. They are not made up of dirt, and cannot be washed or scrubbed off. Excessive scrubbing will simply irritate the skin. Cleansing with a product containing salicylic acid, which can help dissolve the material clogging the pores, can help remove then. Gentle extraction by a dermatologist or esthetician can also remove them, but they tend to re-accumulate in people who are susceptible. Regular use of a retinoid, such as RetinA or Differin can help to prevent this.
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