Marriage smarts

Does marriage make you smarter?
Prevention explains how to strengthen your relationship and your mind
By Thomas Crook, Ph.D.
Prevention

I dedicated a recent book (The Memory Advantage) to my wife, Kay, writing: "I knew when I met her that she would be unforgettable." One of the reasons Kay made such an impact on me is that she is devoted to the pursuit of knowledge — about everything from movie blockbusters and interior design to 18th-century epic poetry and primitive art.
Each day, Kay makes a point of learning new information and passing much of it on to me in the evening. For example, she recently read a book called The Intellectual Devotional (published by Rodale, which also publishes Prevention), from which we both learned the origin of John Milton's epic poem "Paradise Lost," the history of the Lascaux cave paintings in France, and more. I, too, share with Kay much of what I learn every day, and after years of doing this, we've become each other's best teacher.
From my perspective as a neuroscientist, this is ironic because the changes that occur in the brain during the early stages of love are not conducive to intellectual pursuits. The feeling of euphoria, the sometimes obsessive desire to be with your beloved … all make concentration on anything else almost impossible.
Using functional magnetic resonance imaging, researchers have actually observed the effects of love on the brain. When people in the early stages of infatuation are shown photos of their sweethearts and told to think about them, areas of the brain rich in the chemical dopamine are activated. Dopamine produces very powerful pleasurable sensations. Cocaine and amphetamine, for example, produce their effects by spurring the release of dopamine.
As relationships mature, however, those areas are less responsive to the mere sight of one's lover. To be successful, the relationship must evolve from dopamine-driven euphoria to a more mindful cultivation of love and respect. Flowers and candlelight dinners help, but so do exploring and experiencing the world together. In fact, one area of the brain that "lights up" in these later stages of love is the cortex, the same place where information is stored and rational decisions are made.
New information builds fresh neural networks at any age.

Here are some ways to strengthen your marriage (and get smarter in the process):

Take dancing lessons. The combined physical and mental challenge is a great brain workout.
Watch movies and discuss the plot and characters. Research shows that men and women use different areas of the brain when viewing films, resulting in different perspectives and insights.
Throw a party for a diverse group and then debrief each other the next day. Areas of the brain involved in learning and memory can be stimulated by social interaction, and you may be surprised at how differently the two of you interpret the evening's party politics.
Learn a language together. Gradually incorporate new words and phrases into your conversations. Or sign up for Merriam-Webster's "Word of the Day." It's a free service that delivers the definition and origin of a new word via e-mail each day.
Take on a home project to learn each other's skills. There is no reason a wife can't rewire a lamp or, speaking from experience, a husband can't learn about wall colors other than white.
At the very least, learning new skills together gives you and your spouse something to talk about other than the kids and work.

Kids spending habits

Allowance breakdown: How kids are spending

America's youth will command more than $21 billion in pocket money by 2010, according to one study. Here's how they're dropping their cash.
Fo some kids the biggest part of their weekly allowance is spent on food -- fast food. Movies are a close second. But after that, money goes to ring tones, music and videos; then clothes and shoes.

A 2004 study conducted by TNS, an international market research firm, found that 79% of boys from ages 10 to 14 spend their money on games, compared with 42% of girls -- who prefer to buy CDs, books and clothes.

Gender differences aside, U.S. kids spend the biggest chunk of change on entertainment and technology: American kids spend most of their money on games (63% of all U.S. kids), clothes (31%) and CDs (27%), according to the TNS report.

There is help to teach your kids to save money.

Save money

With the possiblility of a recession you can make some smart budget cuts at home and save money. I found this at the doughroller.net website.

75 Painless Money-Saving Tips:


Combine your cable, internet and telephone service. Companies now offer combined services that not only cost less, but offer the convenience of a single bill.
Slow down your internet service. I went to the slower internet service option with my cable company and saved $15 per month. And I haven’t noticed a difference when surfing the Net.
Send away for and follow up on rebates. After you buy a product with a rebate, send in the form that day. Then mark your calendar to remind yourself to follow up with the rebate company if the check hasn’t show up.
Buy a refurbished Mac: I’ve written about this before because it is a great way to buy not only computers, but iPods and iPhones as well. You can check out the details here.
Convert to a gas water heater. They are more efficient and will save you money in the long run.
Request a reduction in the interest rate for your home equity line of credit. I did and my mortgage company agreed to reduce the rate by more than 0.50%.
Request a reduction in the interest rate on your credit cards. As with home equity loans, credit card companies sometimes are willing to reduce the interest rate. It can’t hurt to ask.
Refinance you mortgage. If you can reduce your interest rate by one percent or more, it is often beneficial to refinance. This is particularly true for those with high rates due to less than stellar credit scores. If your score has improved, you may qualify for a better rate. I would start by asking your current mortgage lender about lower rates.
Get rid of Private Mortgage Insurance. If your down payment was less than 20%, you are probably paying PMI. Once you have a 20% cushion through reducing your debt and home appreciation (yes, prices do go up from time to time), contact your mortgage company to start the process of removing the PMI.
Get your books from the library. I love books and read every day. While I buy some of the books I read, most come from the library. Simply put, it’s hard to beat free.

Get the rest on their website.

Alcohol abuse

Warning Signs of Alcohol Abuse

If you answer "yes" to any of the following questions, you may have a problem with alcohol:

Do you drink alone when you feel angry or sad?
Does your drinking ever make you late for work?
Does your drinking worry your family?
Do you ever drink after telling yourself you won't?
Do you ever forget what you did while drinking?
Do you get headaches or have a hangover after drinking?

For more tips and help.

Alcohol and Women

Women are more vulnerable than men to many of the medical consequences of alcohol use. Alcoholic women develop cirrhosis, damage of the heart muscle (i.e., cardiomyopathy), and nerves (i.e., peripheral neuropathy) after fewer years of heavy drinking than alcoholic men.
Women develop organ damage faster, and at lower levels of alcohol consumption then men. This is because a woman’s body generally has less water than a man’s causing their blood alcohol content to reach higher level, faster.
Alcohol use may affect female reproductive. Adolescent girls who consume even moderate amounts of alcohol may experience disrupted growth and puberty. Heavy drinking in adult women can disrupt normal menstrual cycling and reproductive functions. Alcohol abuse and alcoholism can cause women to suffer from infertility, increased risk for spontaneous abortion, and impaired fetal growth and development
Women overall drink less than men but are more likely to experience adverse consequences including damage to the heart muscle, liver, and brain, trauma resulting from auto crashes, interpersonal violence, and death.The progression of alcoholism appears to be faster in women than in men.

Alcohol tips for teens

Tips for Teens: The Truth About Alcohol
Slang--Booze, Sauce, Brews, Brewskis, Hooch, Hard Stuff, Juice

Alcohol affects your brain. Drinking alcohol leads to a loss of coordination, poor judgment, slowed reflexes, distorted vision, memory lapses, and even blackouts.
Alcohol affects your body. Alcohol can damage every organ in your body. It is absorbed directly into your bloodstream and can increase your risk for a variety of life-threatening diseases, including cancer.
Alcohol affects your self-control. Alcohol depresses your central nervous system, lowers your inhibitions, and impairs your judgment. Drinking can lead to risky behaviors, such as driving when you shouldn’t, or having unprotected sex.
Alcohol can kill you. Drinking large amounts of alcohol at one time or very rapidly can cause alcohol poisoning, which can lead to coma or even death. Driving and drinking also can be deadly. In 2003, 31 percent of drivers age 15 to 20 who died in traffic accidents had been drinking alcohol.
Alcohol can hurt you--even if you're not the one drinking. If you're around people who are drinking, you have an increased risk of being seriously injured, involved in car crashes, or affected by violence. At the very least, you may have to deal with people who are sick, out of control, or unable to take care of themselves.

Know the law. It is illegal to buy or possess alcohol if you are under age 21.
Get the facts. One drink can make you fail a breath test. In some States, people under age 21 can lose their driver's license, be subject to a heavy fine, or have their car permanently taken away.
Stay informed. "Binge" drinking means having five or more drinks on one occasion. Studies show that more than 35 percent of adults with an alcohol problem developed symptoms--such as binge drinking--by age 19.2
Know the risks. Alcohol is a drug. Mixing it with any other drug can be extremely dangerous. Alcohol and acetaminophen--a common ingredient in OTC pain and fever reducers--can damage your liver. Alcohol mixed with other drugs can cause nausea, vomiting, fainting, heart problems, and difficulty breathing.3 Mixing alcohol and drugs also can lead to coma and death.
Keep your edge. Alcohol is a depressant, or downer, because it reduces brain activity. If you are depressed before you start drinking, alcohol can make you feel worse.
Look around you. Most teens aren't drinking alcohol. Research shows that 71 percent of people 12-20 haven't had a drink in the past month.4

How can you tell if a friend has a drinking problem? Sometimes it's tough to tell. But there are signs you can look for. If your friend has one or more of the following warning signs, he or she may have a problem with alcohol:

Getting drunk on a regular basis
Lying about how much alcohol he or she is using
Believing that alcohol is necessary to have fun
Having frequent hangovers
Feeling run-down, depressed, or even suicidal
Having "blackouts"--forgetting what he or she did while drinking

What can you do to help someone who has a drinking problem? Be a real friend. You might even save a life. Encourage your friend to stop or seek professional help. For information and referrals, call the National Clearinghouse for Alcohol and Drug Information at 800-729-6686.

Tax tips

Did you get a tax refund this year? Congrats! However, don’t be surprised if you get audited, too! Why? Because the IRS has revived a program where it audits returns at random whether it appears you did anything wrong or not. They’re hoping it’ll help close the $290 billion gap between the taxes owed and those actually paid. A similar program provided a big windfall for the government a few years back.
Audits found taxpayers claiming dependents with names like Fluffy, but once the IRS required Social Security Numbers for all dependents, the number of children claimed on tax returns dropped by 7 million. There are also red flags that’ll earn your tax return a closer look. Here are a few, courtesy of Rodale Publications:

* The home office deduction is always a red flag because a home
office can be deducted only if you use the space for nothing
else. In other words, a guest room that doubles as an office
doesn’t count!
* Another audit trigger: An unlikely ratio between your income and
deductions. Of course, nobody outside the IRS knows exactly what
ratio raises a red flag, but it’ll raise eyebrows if, say, you
earned $60,000, and claim you donated $10,000 to charity. So if
you end up getting audited, here’s how to cope:
o First, know that you’re not alone. The IRS sends out over 7
million notices for math mistakes with bills for
recalculated tax plus interest. Your best bet it to pay
up, or provide documents or receipts that will validate your
deduction.
o The next audit tip: Pay up immediately. When you owe the
IRS, they assess penalties every day on your tax and
interest. Those penalties can reach 25%. For example, if you
owe $1,000 bucks, it could rise to $1,250.
o File an appeal. A government study found that 41% of
taxpayers who went to the IRS Appeals Division won at least
a partial reduction in the amount of money they owed.

If you’re wondering when your tax refund will actually arrive, you can track your refund’s progress on the website www.IRS.gov.

Toasting the couple

Cheers! Making The Perfect Wedding Toast

(Michael Kabel)

Making a toast is not like making a speech, where you have an extended amount of time to get your point across. Instead, the toast is like an elegant little summary of your feelings for the bride or groom (or both.)

Your strongest advantage when making a toast is that, unlike a speech or presentation, you don't have to win the crowd over to your side. They already share your feelings about the new couple. Instead, think of the toast as a way to inscribe your own simple but lovely words onto the already-lovely evening of the rehearsal dinner or reception.

The best toasts are pretty but don't take a lot of time and energy getting their point across. They're not necessarily funny, either. Don't try to write a script. Ever heard someone read from a script verbatim off the page? It sounds bizarre, doesn't it, almost like a robot. "We... are... proud... to... celebrate... this wedding."

You don't want to come across stiff or over-rehearsed. Quite the opposite, you want to come across like you're on the verge of getting swept away by emotion. Write down a few ideas you'd like to say in the toast, but don't write everything out. Keep the list in your head and don't think about whether it sounds "official" or not.

Practice your toast as if telling a story to the audience. Imagine yourself telling someone a story. How would you arrange the details? How would the story make sense in your mind as you related it? The best toasts begin with a short, brief story and then expand into the salutation, or wish for a happy future. As you prepare your toast, think about what details are appropriate and which ones are visual enough to keep your audience's attention. Don't get cute, and don't try to be funny.

There's a temptation to try to charm the crowd by adding sentimental details or wowing them with a funny joke or good-natured ribbing. Unless you're a professional comedian, don't bother with either tactic. If something is funny, the audience will sense that. Don't try to force humor, and don't get sappy when the bride and groom already feel on the spot.

Don't look like the Statue of Liberty. Don't hold your glass up the whole time you're speaking. Instead, call for attention by tapping your water glass with a spoon or fork. Near the end of your toast, hold the glass up. You don't have to chug a lug, either: a few sips is sufficient. If the audience applauds - and they well might - don't take a bow or do anything ostentatious. Just nod and say thanks as you sit down.

Kick butts

Kids across America will rally against tobacco today as they join thousands of young people
nationwide for the 13th annual Kick Butts Day, sponsored by the Campaign for Tobacco-Free Kids.
Hundreds of events are planned across the nation.

Kids across Florida will rally against tobacco today as they join thousands of young people nationwide for the 13th annual Kick Butts Day, sponsored by the Campaign for Tobacco-Free Kids. Hundreds of events are planned across the nation.
This year, Kick Butts Day is raising awareness about continued tobacco marketing and sales to kids and the need for Congress to crack down on these harmful practices by passing legislation granting the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) authority to regulate tobacco products.
Ten years after the 1998 state tobacco settlement, a new poll conducted for Kick Butts Day 2008 finds that kids still feel targeted by tobacco advertising and still find it easy to buy tobacco products.

A fool and her money...

If you can’t account for every dollar you spend, take solace in knowing you’re not the only one. Nearly half of all Americans say they lose track of about $2,340 per year, according to a study by Visa, Inc. The money simply “disappears,” and they’re not really sure where it’s gone, the study’s authors say.
Nearly half of Americans report spending about $120 in cash per week—and losing track of $45 of it. Men under 35 are the biggest “mystery spenders,” reporting that they lose track of $3,078 per year, or an average of $59 per week—mostly during a night out. Women fared a little better, reporting losing track of $2,709 per year, or $52 a week—mostly while out shopping.
It’s not surprising that consumers would lose track of some cash spending, but the Visa spokespeople were taken aback at how much. They said the lesson to remember is that a dollar here, a dollar there adds up. Seven percent of the survey participants reported losing track of up to $100 per week. Of those who reported their “mystery spending” was out of control, 59 percent said using their debit cards rather than cash helps them keep track of their money.

The nationwide survey of 2,036 U.S. adults found that 48 percent of Americans suffer from this “mystery spending.” Here’s a breakdown of when the money usually “disappears”:

58% while on a night on the town
55% while grocery shopping
50% while out with the kids
40% while shopping during a sale
33% while shopping with friends

Pricey pets

Americans like to pamper their pets. We take them on trips, buy them presents for special occasions, and prepare macrobiotic meals for them. Manufacturers of high-end human products are starting to take note and get in on the action with designer pet product lines—dog shampoo made by Paul Mitchell, for instance. And Americans are buying. It’s no secret: We spare no expense in keeping our best friends happy.
According to the American Pet Products Manufacturers Association, 63 percent of America’s households have pets; that’s 71.1 million homes. That number has grown from 56 percent in 1988. As a matter of fact, the United States currently has more than 88 million pet cats, 74 million pet dogs, and more than 150 million pet fish.

Final numbers aren’t yet available, but pet-related spending for 2007 was projected to be $40.8 billion. Here’s the probable breakdown:

$16.1 billion on food
$9.9 billion on supplies/over-the-counter medicines
$9.8 billion on veterinary care
$2.9 billion on grooming and boarding
$2.1 billion on purchasing the pets

April fools

Want to surprise the whole family? Try one of these 10 terrific pranks, like the ol' favorites Unexpected Dandruff, Bedtime Switcheroo, or the Big Spill.

Perfect Family Pranks

The Big Spill Tickle funny bones with a phony tipped-over coffee cup
Call Mr. Lyon Dial up phone fun with this wild twist on a classic gag
Faked Potato These dud spuds make a great side dish at dinnertime
Fun on the Fly Sew things up with a gag that'll leave them in stitches
Garden Fungus Plant an antic to declare there's a prankster among 'em
Heavy Metal Try a trick guaranteed to stop people in their tracks
Unexpected Dandruff Fake them out with foolery that's a bit on the flaky side
Model Parent Trick your kids with a man-sized mannequin
Time Warp Play this prank on your family for a time they'll never forget
Kitchen Sink Surprise Rig up a ruse that's just drenched in humor
Bedtime Switcheroo Surprise your kids with a slight change of scenery

Go Green

Earth Month Events

Saturday, April 5 from 4 to 10 p.m.
Global Groove: Green Around the Globe
An eco-diversity event
Free celebration of global diversity and the environment at ArtsPark at Young Circle, Hollywood.
Music, dance, theatre, kids’ activities.
Information about recycling, electric cars and xeriscaping.

City of Hollywood ArtsPark at Young Circle, Hollywood Boulevard and U.S. 1, Hollywood
954-921-3404


Saturday & Sunday, April 19th & 20th
Get Your Green On!
Museum of Discovery and Science

Recycling Info, including the "Re-Use-It Art Corner" - creating art from recycled items
How to plant an Organic Garden
Organic baking, Organic pizza
Earth-Friendly Demonstrations


April 20th
Green Apple Festival - America's Largest Earth Day Celebration
Bicentennial Park, Miami

Miami is one of only 8 cities nationwide selected to host a free weekend of music and environmental events.
Live concerts, speakers, family fun



April 26th
Green Living Expo
Stranahan Park, Fort Lauderdale (Broward Blvd. & Andrews Ave.

Learn how to go green, with fun, interactive activities for the whole family.
954-828-4743

Kids Choice Awards

It was the best of both worlds at Saturday's Kids Choice Awards for Miley Cyrus, who took home trophies for favorite female singer and TV actress and rocked the show with a spirited performance of her hit song, "GNO -- Girls Night Out."

Find out the rest of the winners and who got slimed!

Fight fair

HOW TO FIGHT FAIR IN A RELATIONSHIP

(Match.com)

Avoid Sweeping generalizations: "You're impossible" and "You always do such-and-such" might feel good to utter, but they're unproductive and imprecise. Find specific words to express your feelings and use examples instead of blanket statements.
Don't think about a last word: At some point of maturity, hanging up on someone is no longer satisfying. In lieu of getting in a final venomous word before slamming the receiver (pushing the END button is much less fun), simply state: "I'm getting off the phone before either of us says anything we might regret."
Avoid ancient history & soft spots: The dragging out of taboo and sensitive topics is a low blow no-no, as is aiming for soft spots, those incendiary trigger points that cause immediate upset. Fair fighters avoid sensitive personal data, epithets cast at other family members, unrelated health issues, and hurtful grand pronouncements ("And you wonder why your father walked out on you and your mom.").
Profanity & protocol: Although cussin' is never nice, it can be a middle-ground pressure valve to let off steam if you're hit with a low blow. The lesser of two evils, it's better to unleash a four-letter expletive than to throw the skillet through the plasma TV or respond with something hurtful. But remember: Certain rank curse words -- said with vigor and aimed directly at your would-be sweetie -- are considered unforgivable. You know the ones we mean.
Timing: Be sensitive to when you start an argument. Try not to ambush your partner, and don't bring up certain issues over dinner, during a major fun time, right before bed, and never when drunk. And when the fight's underway, don't hog the mic; give your mate equal floor time to express grievances.
Fake it. In public, make sure all is well... or at least seems well. Keep your upset a private matter, not fodder for passers-by. Besides, why fight in a restaurant when you can wait a while and enjoy the delicious, uncomfortable-at-any-speed, in-the-car fight?
Laughing matter. Though not a substitute for real answers, well-placed humor in the middle of a tiff can break the pall. Perk up your frowning mate with the only kind of punch sanctioned in fair fighting... a punch line.

Yahoo for ladies

Yahoo Inc is introducing a new media site focused on women's daily lives, the latest in a string of sites that include ones for gadget enthusiasts and food lovers, the company said on Sunday.

The Sunnyvale, California-based company said the new site, called "Shine", offers nine categories ranging from Fashion & Beauty to Parenting. The site is aimed at roughly 40 million women between the ages of 25 and 54 and aims to make Yahoo more relevant to this demographic, which is highly appealing to brand advertisers.

Yahoo has hired an editorial team to publish original stories on a daily basis as well as to select user blog posts to feature prominently on the site. Shine also offers items from existing Yahoo sites covering food, astrology and health.
Yahoo Shine is located at shine.yahoo.com/