Shacking up?

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIVING TOGETHER
(Women's Health)

It doesn't seal the deal: Moving in seems like a natural precursor to marriage, but you shouldn't count on it. In fact, only 45 percent of couples who cohabitate get hitched. And research has linked living together before tying the knot to an increased risk of unhappy marriage. One theory as to why: People who live together often swap rings not because they're right for each other, but because they feel too invested in the relationship to break up.

All roommates are irritating: Just because you're hot for each other doesn't make living together easy. Annie Sargent, 34, a lawyer in Seattle, says she's frequently been on edge since her boyfriend moved in a year ago. When he washes dishes, "he's a whirling dervish -- soapy water gets all over everything," Sargent says. She gets so annoyed she yells at him, and then he gets upset because he was trying to help. And that's just one example. "I want him there," she says. "But now I'm irritated all the time."

It's not just about you anymore: You want to grab a drink with an ex after work. Or apply for that amazing job in Newfoundland. But now your decisions, from trivial to momentous, will affect another person's routine, lifestyle, and bank account. "Everything I did suddenly involved an extra step," says Bill Schmidt, 36, who moved in with his girlfriend 8 years ago. Formerly speedy grocery runs now required remembering what kind of yogurt, or cookies, or bread she liked. "It took a while to adjust to not just thinking about myself."

Love doesn't solve money problems: You might be saving a bundle on rent -- unless, of course, you moved into a bigger, more expensive place together. But money problems are as inevitable as basement drafts and broken toilet-bowl handles. According to an April 2006 Money magazine survey, 70 percent of couples admit to arguing about finances. "Money is so entwined with power and control, it's seldom something you can talk about objectively with your significant other," says Deborah Knuckey, author of Conscious Spending for Couples.

The sex will change: According to the 1997 Durex Global Sex Survey, people who live together but aren't married report the greatest frequency of sex. So that's a plus. The minus? The sex can lose its wow factor. A 2004 ABC News poll found that 58 percent of people who are married or have lived together for less than 3 years report "very exciting" sex lives, compared with 29 percent of couples who've been at it more than 10 years.

Expect the unexpected: When Melissa Haroza, 36, and her boyfriend, Chris, shacked up 3 years ago, she had a cat, but Chris was against pets. "Then one day before a vacation he said he was worried about the cat," says Haroza, who married Chris last year. "He thought she'd get lonely and suggested taking her with us." And it wasn't because he wanted to toss her out of the plane. He'd actually started to care about the kitty. Never underestimate the power of a solid relationship to bring out surprising new sides of a person.