Money and your honey

5 tips to help discuss money with your honey

Learn how to stop fighting and better communicate about financial issues
By Stacey Tisdale

Use these five helpful tips to stop fighting about money:

1. Lose the notion of right and wrong
There are no right and wrong beliefs about money, just different attitudes and beliefs, and they all come from our individual experiences. To tell someone they're wrong is telling them that your experiences are more valuable than theirs. That’s simply not the truth — you’ll strike a nerve and start an argument.

2. Don’t use money as a weapon
Don't bring money into conflicts where it does not belong. If your partner is upset because you have not been spending time together, don't say something like, "I’m working to pay off your bills." Also, don't go on a spending binge if you're mad at your spouse. Actions like these take problems that aren't related to money into dangerous territory.

3. Set long- and short-term goals as a couple
Ask yourself questions like "What are some things we want to do with our finances this year? Do we want to build up our savings or take a vacation? What do we want to do in five or 10 years? How does our behavior have to change individually and as a couple in order to accomplish our dreams?"


4. Stay connected to your goals
A great way to stay on top of your goals is to do a monthly money date. Attach a positive activity to it, like dinner, and be sure to talk about your goals and dreams, not just your problems. Figure out how to build on each other's strengths (Note: Do not have this meeting at the beginning or end of the month, as things tend to be tense near bill-paying time.)

5. Have your own money
While you have goals as a couple, you also have individual needs and goals. Once you agree on what you will each contribute to the family unit, decide on an amount that is off-limits. If you want to take it out into the backyard and burn it, it's your decision. No discussion, no criticism.